Walker's Shortbread Dredges Up Bad Memories for FBR Staffer Lorraine

It was a tale of two biscuits at FBR world headquarters today with Scottish biscuit champion Walker's Shortbread causing both tears of gastronomic joy and horrible child labour terror for FBR staffer and River Clyde expert Lorraine.

The poor wee dear escaped the horrendous conditions of the Glasgow shortbread mines* as a young lassie, swimming to Canada with her parents. 

Lorraine, shown in a secret Canadian refugee camp, reflects back on her time as a child shortbread miner in Scotland.

The emotionally drained Glaswegian struggled to come to terms with her culturally ingrained cravings for shortbread and the awful memories of 18 hour shifts pick-axing slabs of shortbread from the rich buttery underground seams commonly found in western Scotland.  "When I think back to those days, I feel so fortunate to be in Canada. Otherwise I'd still be a child miner**. Sure, I might have worked my way to the packaging department or even the department where they hand carve the thistles on the round biscuits, but jings, it's no way to live is it?"  

The boys from Strathclyde Primary School.  These particular boys may not have worked in the shortbread mines - from the looks of them, they may have worked in the Chocolate Digestive mine...

Foremen at the mines were often stereotypical. This one eventually came to Canada to voice the original "Roll up the Rim to Win" commercials. 

Many child miners developed "miner's haunch" after years in the cramped underground shortbread seams. 

*Most children under 7 years of age did not work in the shortbread mines. They worked in the coal mines.
** Theoretically, she would not still be a child miner.  She would be a grown-up miner.